Technology - The Battle of the Bytes

Last week I talked about selling all my crap on CraigsList . In the process of doing that I have discovered that not everyone on the World Wide Web is completely honest.

I know. It shocked me too.

Here’s how it went. I listed a 12 string guitar on CraigsList, and along with other replies I got this:

“Hey, I just went through the ads you have on here on Craigslist and it's actually what i wanna buy, i will like to purchase these item from you, hope it's still available for sale... either way it goes, i am always online so you can email me back.”

Ok, his word choice is a little bit unusual, and his shift key is apparently broken, but at least the tone is friendly. I assume that he could not spell the word “guitar” or copy it from the subject header, but I thought “these item” got the point across well enough. I sent a reply:

“Yes, the guitar is available. I'd be happy to let you have a look at it.”

I've come to a decision - I'm going to sell all my crap.

This has not been an easy thing for me. All my life I have been a compulsive "crap saver," meaning that I'm the kind of guy who can't bear to throw away those little plastic hanger dealies that you get when you buy new socks, or the small Ziploc bags that the screws from the stereo cabinet came in, or really nice shoe boxes. So I have a really nice shoe box full of small Ziploc bags with some of those little sock hanger dealies in them. 

I have years worth of empty pill bottles. I have slide rules from high school. I have at least three drawers full of "mystery keys." I even think I have a pair of two-tone purple patent leather and suede platform shoes that I've been saving since I got beat up and thrown out of a disco in 1975 - probably for wearing two-tone purple patent leather and suede platform shoes. 

I've discovered something at least as addictive as caffeine, alcohol, tobacco, cocaine, heroin, or even Chex Mix ( the really good homemade kind, with way too much garlic salt). At this moment millions of people around the world are sitting, huddled, alone, sweating, shaking, counting down the seconds until they can "get right" with their next "fix."

I'm talking, of course, about eBay, the internet equivalent of the bazaar at Marrakesh. This is the well-known online auction service where you can buy anything from clothespins to cattle prods, often paying less than 70 times the actual value of the item.

eBay was founded in 1995 by Pierre Omidyar, a computer programmer who allegedly wanted to help his fiancée buy and sell PEZ candy dispensers. The first item actually sold on eBay - this is true - was a broken laser pointer, purchased for $14.83 (plus shipping) by a guy who, it turns out, is a noted collector of broken laser pointers.

On this rock solid intellectual foundation, a cultural icon for the twenty-first century was born.

Not too long ago I saw a television commercial for what has to be one of the most important industrial breakthroughs in human history. Even though major advances of this sort are not really the focus of my column, this is a development so revolutionary that I felt it was my duty to share it with you here, on the off chance some of my readers may have missed the press briefing.

I am talking, of course, about Tater Mitts.